Alone
by RobotsMakeBetterLovers
Summary: Severus finds the cursed ring in Dumbledore's office. Surely it isn't still cursed? He turns it over in his hands.... What's that sound?


Disclaimer: I own nothing. At all. Except maybe my guinea pig. No, not even him.

R&R! I hope you enjoy... I've been told before that I have a real talent for angst, and that I'm really mean to my characters. Well THEY HAVEN'T SEEN NOTHING YET! laughs evilly

* * *

He landed lightly on the snow-covered drive and turned to face the iron gates guarding Hogwarts. After a tap from his wand, the gates scraped and admitted Severus to the grounds with a groan of metal. The walk to the castle was a lonely one, and he met no one in the halls of the castle.

But that was how he liked the castle best.

"Ton-Tongue Toffee."

He rode the winding staircase in silence, and opened the door into Albus's office. Closing the ancient oaken door behind him, he surveyed the round, crowded office narrowly. Dumbledore was not there. Severus rubbed his temples and dropped himself into the chair in which he usually sat. There was a clatter as he allowed his Death Eater's mask to fall from his hand. It landed face up, its twisted, snake-like face glaring malignantly through the candlelight.

His report for Dumbledore tonight was unimportant; the Dark Lord had not discussed anything that he or Dumbledore hadn't known. It was a review, of sorts. Still, Albus would worry if Severus hadn't come to report. Severus would have to wait for the Headmaster to return.

There was a soft fluttering sound behind him, and Severus took his hands from his face to look around. Fawkes the phoenix had shifted in his sleep. Severus sniffed and turned back around to face the desk; something glittered as the candlelight hit it at the right moment, drawing his eye.

It was the ring. The cursed ring that had withered Albus's hand, why on earth did he still have it lying around? Severus peered at it more closely. It was ugly and misshapen, with a wicked-looking crack down the middle where Albus had hit it with the sword. It had a few simple, vague carvings on it, which Severus easily ignored after trying to decipher them for a moment.

Severus stood and walked around the desk in order to examine it more closely. What about this horrible relic had tempted Albus to put it on? Severus did not touch it, but leaned down so that his face was but a few inches from it. Surely it was no longer cursed….

Slowly, he extended his hand to touch it, stiffening and bracing himself as he did. Perhaps it was still cursed? He would just hold it for a moment, how much harm could it do? He leaned back as he reached for the ring, screwing up his face against whatever would happen when it touched his skin. Just another inch, he would only touch it for a moment…. He flinched as his finger touched the cool, smooth surface of the stone.

Nothing happened. Severus opened one eye to look at the ring. He had laid a single finger on it, and it sat innocently as it had before, shining mutely. Cautiously, he picked it up and laid it in his palm. The ring did nothing. Still looking down at it, he turned it over in his hands a few times, and, finally, something happened.

He heard a light whispering sound across the room, perhaps of a cloak being drawn across one's shoulders, or of a light breeze across one's face. Severus froze, listening hard to the subtle rustling, 

unsure of what to do. What was making the sound? It didn't sound like Fawkes; even the gentle phoenix couldn't make a sound as mild as this. Severus looked up and choked on his breath.

Standing across the desk from him was a hazy figure. Not quite solid, yet more than a ghost, she shimmered in front of him, creating her own glow without releasing light. She was more beautiful in death than Severus remembered, and even in this strange, indistinct form her hair burned ever brightly and her eyes danced with life.

_The ring must still be cursed…driving me insane…. She can't be real. She's dead, she's dead…this must be in my mind…._

The seconds stretched agonizingly between them, and he stared hungrily at her, taking in the curves of her lips, the glow of her skin –

"Severus," Lily whispered, and their eyes met, his tortured, hers sympathetic. He took in a shuddering gasp of air, tears burning in his eyes.

"I – Lily – I'm so sorry!" He collapsed to the floor, unable to meet her eyes, shaking with remorse. He panted on the floor, his head cradled in his arms, until he felt a tingling presence beside him. He raised his wide eyes to hers and saw that she, too, was crying silently.

"I know, Severus. I know." Her voice shook, and Severus felt a fresh wave of emotion as he saw the sorrow he had put her through. Suddenly, he wanted to hold her, to stroke her hair and coo reassurances into her ear. "And I know all that you have done since. All that you have sacrificed, the things you've had to do, selflessly…."

"It was all for you, Lily. Everything. And it will never be enough, it can never make up for what I did –"

"I forgive you, Severus."

A wretched sob escaped his lips and he leaned against Albus's desk, clenching fistfuls of his hair.

"I forgive you for everything."

"How?" he cried. "How can you?"

"Because I love you, Sev. You were my dearest friend; I will always love you no matter what happens. Never forget that, Severus." At this, Severus began to cry passionately, his howls echoing around the room. Finally, he choked back his tears long enough to gaze miserably toward her.

"I love you, too! More than anything! I can never tell you enough how much I love you…it tears me apart, I don't know how long I can keep this up…." Lily quieted him with a tender look.

"I have utter faith in you, Severus. You have come so far…. Peace isn't far away, I promise you."

Their eyes met again, and Severus extended a shaking hand toward her cheek. Her radiant skin was just inches from his fingertips, and he leaned forward, reaching with his right hand, supporting himself with 

his left. He was so close; he just wanted to touch her skin one more time…. His trembling fingers nearly brushed her cheek, and his left hand slackened slightly, releasing the ugly black ring from his grip. It broke contact with his skin –

Lily vanished. The golden compassion that had filled the air a moment before disappeared, leaving Severus alone and trembling on the stone floor, blinking dazedly at the place where Lily had just been. His hand closed in the air, catching nothing but dust.

He was irrevocably, agonizingly, utterly alone.

He dropped his hand to the floor beside him and closed his eyes, allowing his misery to well up inside him, arching his back and tearing his lonely heart into bleeding fragments. He howled, letting the tortured sound fill the room and the staircase beyond.

Alone, alone.

He beat his fists against his forehead, cursing himself and his wretched existence, screaming. With one foot he kicked at the ugly black stone; it skittered across the room and under one of Albus's spindly tables.

* * *

"Severus?"

Albus, returning from a pleasant and refreshing moonlit stroll across the grounds, had opened his office door onto a shocking scene; Severus lay sprawled across the floor, his Death Eater's mask not far from his face, one of his hands bruised gruesomely. Albus knelt next to him and turned Severus's face toward him. He was conscious, Albus noted with relief, and his eyes were red and puffy, his face tear-streaked.

"What on earth is going on, Severus? Here, my boy, have a seat, the floor is cold…." Severus allowed himself to be led into a chair, and he sat quietly while Dumbledore removed his cloak and put on a kettle of tea. When the tea was ready, Albus placed two mugs on the desk and sat lightly on his large, leather chair.

"Now, my friend, what is this that has happened to you in my absence?" He sipped his tea affably, surveying Severus over the rims of his glasses. Severus sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve, glaring at the old man.

"What the hell kind of curse was on that ring?" Albus raised his eyebrows.

"Did you put it on? My, you did a much better job of mopping yourself up than I did."

"No, I didn't put it on!" Severus snarled. He hadn't touched his tea. "I picked it up, and the damn thing started playing with my mind." Albus's expression was unreadable.

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. It has never done such a thing to me…." Albus put down his mug and pulled Severus's bruised hand toward himself. "Is this what it did?"

"No."

"How did this happen, then?"

Severus yanked his hand away from Albus's gentle fingers. "I did it to myself. I punched your desk."

"Do you want me to take care of it?" Albus asked amiably.

"No." There was a thick silence between them, during which Severus crossed his arms around himself and Albus sipped his tea quietly.

"Well then," he said finally, putting down his mug and looking at Severus over his fingertips. "What did the ring do to you?"

"I saw…." Severus looked at the desktop, not wanting to meet Albus's eyes.

"You saw Lily, didn't you?"

"How did you know?" Severus snapped.

"The Resurrection Stone shows us an image of those we have loved and lost," Albus said. "I merely guessed that she would be the one to appear before you. Did you speak?"

"Yes."

"Did you resolve anything, with her or with yourself?" Severus didn't answer for a moment, but glared silently at his crossed arms. He nodded stiffly.

"I believe so."

"Wonderful." Albus relaxed into his chair, taking a hearty gulp of his tea as he did so. "And I see you've had a good cry." Severus flinched.

"It was horrible!"

"What? Of course it was! That doesn't mean it isn't good for you, my boy! I daresay that if I had never cried I wouldn't be nearly as cheerful as I am today." Severus glanced venomously at Albus, as if wishing he weren't quite so cheerful. "I suspect that the violence against your hand was unnecessary, speaking for myself, but if you think it helps then carry on, I suppose!"

There was another silence during which Albus looked around his room jovially, not seeming to feel Severus's lingering misery.

"Any news from our old friend Voldemort today?"

"No."

"Then it's settled. I think you need some sleep, Severus. Would you like me to escort you downstairs?"

"No, I wouldn't."

"Quite alright. Goodnight, my boy."

Severus rose silently and crossed to the door. As he opened it, Albus spoke from behind him.

"She cared very much for you, Severus, and so do I. Never forget: you have people on your side. You are not alone."

"Thank you, Headmaster."

And with a farewell as such, Severus descended the staircase, closing the door quietly behind him.


End file.
